American Idol diva Adam Lambert has come "in", describing himself as a "fortunate heterosexual man". The once celebrated Queen of Funky posted a message on his official website yesterday stating "I am proud to say that I am a fortunate heterosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am". Upon hearing the news, famously gay musical theatre composer Elton John twittered, "this is a serious blow for the gay community" (though it remains unclear if a bad pun was intended). Former pop star and current bathroom attendant George Michael changed his facebook status to the simple but succinct, "Devastated". Teen heart throb and future gay man, Justin Bieber, was unavailable for comment.
As news of Lambert's defection spread there were reported riots in both the East Village of Manhattan and North Hollywood California. Protesters attempted to burn CD's while singing a poignant and surprisingly well arranged choral version of Tears for Fears Mad World, the song that put Lambert on the map after his stirring performance in season eight of American Idol. Some looting was reported on both coasts, the most popular targets being Sushi restaurants and the clothing store Banana Republic.
In a possibly related story, Perez Hilton was admitted into Cedars Sinai Hospital and has fallen into a deep sugar coma after, what sources tell us, is, most likely, the result of an overdose of Haagen Daz Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream. Doctors have diagnosed Hilton as "disappointed", a full recovery is expected, though not desired by anyone who actually knows him.Happy April 1st, my mischievous malcontents, make with the mayhem and make it count!
1 comment:
Took me a bit to catch on, but very funny!
Post a Comment