Obama Bows to King of Burgers

In an attempt to gain support for his Free Burgers on Thursdays Bill, President Barack Obama met with the Burger King Thursday morning at a restaurant baring the Monarch's name, on Secor Rd. in the hungry yet corpulent city of Toledo, Ohio.

The bill has yet to gain the support needed for passage and recent polls show 62% of Americans oppose what they believe is unconstitutional and an intrusion into their fast food freedoms. During his speech at the Sandwich Summit, Obama made it clear he has no intention of backing down despite the dwindling polls and lack of a clear majority, " We did not come to fear the burger. We came here to eat it. Because that is who we are. That is our calling. That is our character. This is our Burger".

The loudest voices in the opposition claim Obama's Whopper Bill would deprive millions of Americans the freedom to choose between the burger or the fish sandwich and includes no option for chicken fingers. During a Q and A with the President, Wendy, who many claim has a long history of being hot and juicy, challenged the President's assumptions that burgers were, in fact, enough to satisfy the masses, "Where are the fries, Mr. President?! How can you have a burger without the fries?!"

Outside the franchise a demonstration by the Unhappy Meal Party lead by Conservative clown Ronald McDonald chanted, "More Lies, No Fries!" and "Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce, your burger bill will just upset us!".

Robert Gibbs, the President's Press Secretary, speculated that the Unhappy Meal party is, "not only practicing in the art of thinly veiled racism but is also, quite possibly, inciting people to desperate acts of vegetarianism".

Happy April Fool's Day or, as we like to call it at the Daily Rage, National Day of Hope and Change!